Feeding cows, Black Friday and the Christmas Tree HUNT! With a sad and hopeful ending.

My favorite time of the year is here!! With that comes food, reunions of friends and family, Christmas music, shopping and an overwhelming feeling of Gratitude and LOVE!! When we go and visit my parents Mason is lucky enough to go with Opa to feed the cows and chickens!!

Black Friday shopping!! I love love love hanging out in front of Target with my amazing sisters!! 7 hours was worth the wait!!


In the Gator


Feeding Cows

So now to the sad part that I am cautious to share because it still hurts me and I think it will for the rest of my life. At the beginning of Oct I went in for my 12 week appointment. I was so so excited to hear my sweet babies heart beat. Marc didn't come with me because it's a fast appointment, hear the heartbeat and then I am out of there! He put the heart beat thing on my tummy to hear the heartbeat. He moved up and down...all around but still couldn't hear anything but my heartbeat. I wasn't worried at all, I had a really calming feeling come over me. So we went on to do an ultra sound. This would be the 4th time I got to see my babe. I had complications at the beginning which required to see the progress of the baby. So the ultra sound was up and running, still no heart beat and no blood flow to the baby. My heart was racing, I was in disbelief. Do another ultra sound I said...that is the vaginal one...(so TMI) Same outcome. I couldn't believe it, at the time it never crossed my mind that my body would do this to me. I thought I was invincible, I don't smoke, drink or put anything harmful in my body. I just sat there not knowing what to do or how to feel. Dr Klingler was with me the whole time. I was yearning for Marc and Mason but at the same time scared to go home and tell them that our baby went back to Heavenly Father. After the Dr. talked to me and told me my options I opted for a D&C the next morning. I prayed and prayed, cried and cried and cried. I found comfort in my lil Mason, he knew something was wrong, he didn't leave my side all day. I went in reluctantly the next morning to have the babies sweet body removed. I knew the spirit moved on and had an overwhelming feeling of calmness and reassurance that I will one day be able to mother that child. Whether here on earth or in heaven above that baby will always be mine. I went to stay with my mom for 4 or 5 days. I needed time to grieve without Mason seeing me sad all the time so my mom helped me take care of him. Those days at my parents was a blessing. It has almost been two months since I found out. The pain is still there but it is bearable. The love I received from friends and family was healing to my heart and soul. I know this is personal, I never wanted to share it. But too many of my friends were due at the same time as me and they all had miscarriages around the same time. I find strength from these special women we will move on from this, knowing one day we will hold that babe. I will cherish every second I have with Mason and Marc. I have never had anything taken from me like this, or from my life period. It's humbling and reassures me that I will be reunited with all my family.
Thanks for reading and letting me share this sad and hopeful time in my life.